dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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