If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
