hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
