Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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