Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
