fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
