hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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