Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
