I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
