i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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