hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
