It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
