Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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