I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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