Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
