I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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