Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
