The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
