just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
