Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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