one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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