dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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