The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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