I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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