the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
