4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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