My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
