He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
