Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize