My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
