community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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