fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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