A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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