I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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