so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
