She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
