just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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