I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
