At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
