I just made out with a guy for $7.
oh god the rape fog is back!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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