Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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