so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Sober January is a disaster.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
