There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
