So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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