R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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