SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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