our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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