Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
