What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
