oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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