why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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