I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
