got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
