I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
