I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
