I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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