someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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