He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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