I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
